Abstinence?
Yes or No...
With
all the talk about sexuality, birth control and dating, it
almost seems like you're being encouraged to become sexually
active. This is not the case at all, unless you feel pressure
from friends or your partner. Becoming
sexually active is a very serious decision and it has very
serious consequences. Unfortunately, many people don't consider
all the consequences. In the old days, the biggest consequence
of premarital sex was pregnancy. This is still a serious consideration,
but the stakes have gotten a bit more life threatening. Today,
sexual activity can mean sexually transmitted
diseases -- one of which is AIDS
and AIDS can kill you.
You
can use protective measures like condoms and spermicide to
protect you from STDs and pregnancy. But, the only 100% way
to avoid unwanted pregnancy or STDs, is holding off on sex
until after you're married. (Assuming the person you marry
did the same and is faithful to you). If you and your partner
agree to this, then you will be each other's only sex partners
-- and therefore free from infection. But in this world of
ours today, there is a thing called divorce too, so it doesn't
mean that you will just be with that one person your whole
life. Just a fact and the truth.
It can be very tough to say no to sex. There
is a lot of pressure on you at this time in your life and
many teens feel pressured into having sexual intercourse.
You may think that lots of your friends are doing it, or you
may just want to find out what sex is like. Remember, sex
is not a test of love. You can show someone special that you
care deeply about them without having sex. There are many
ways including hold hands, kissing and hugging, listening
to the other person, etc. You can figure it out, it is kind
of a thing that comes naturally; this is something you should
talk to your partner about. If this is something you
can not talk to them about, then that does say a lot about
your relationship and perhaps this is not the person with
which you want to be having that kind of intimacy. Just something
for you to think about.
Why
would you want to wait until marriage or serious commitment
to have sexual intercourse? Aside from the obvious reasons
of avoiding pregnancy and other diseases, you should consider
the sacredness of the act of sexual intercourse -- especially
when it's your first time. Sexual intercourse is the most
intimate a couple can be. It is the complete giving over of
oneself to each other. It is sensitive, serious and very personal.
It should be a decision that you make after giving it a lot
of thought. It should be something you want to do -- and done
at a time that you choose. Sexual intercourse should not be
taken lightly.
Some practical suggestions for practicing abstinence include:
1.
Decide what you want to do about sex at a time when you feel
clearheaded, sober and good about yourself. If you have a
partner, decide together at a time when you feel close to
each other but not sexual. For example, try talking while
you take a walk and hold hands.
2.
Decide in advance what sexual activities you will say "yes"
to and discuss these with your partner. Agreeing to become
sexually intimate does not mean you can engage in ANY physical
contact. Just know your limits and when to stop.
3.
Tell your partner, very clearly and in advance, not at the
last minute, what activities you will not do.
4.
Avoid high-pressure sexual situations, stay sober and stay
out of the empty house or the back seat, if you are not sure
the person you are with will respect your decision.
5.
If you say "no" say it so it is clear that you mean it. Don't
offer reasons or excuses for saying "no." Take the offensive.
Tell your date how his/her continued pressure makes you feel
(for example, uneasy, scared, offended, hurt). Refuse to discuss
the matter further or walk away from the situation.
6.
Learn about birth control and safer sex, so you will be ready
if you change your mind. Always keep condoms and spermicide
around. Always!
7.
Read our Abstinence section of
"Birth Control".
Choosing
abstinence until marriage not only protects you, it gives
you the opportunity to develop a meaningful relationship with
your future spouse, one that is based on respect and true
love. It will be difficult not to give in to the pressures
to have sex, for sure. Your friends will claim to be having
sex and it's made to look so common place and acceptable on
TV and in the movies. But choosing to wait, is YOUR choice,
no one else can make that for you. Take some time and think
about how you really feel about your own situation and values.
For more
on your sexual health, go back to Sex
Stuff, to GYN Stuff. or to
the Sexual
Health Library
