What
is sexual orientation?
Sexual orientation
is determined by the sex or sexes you are romantically, physically,
emotionally, and sexually attracted to. Heterosexuals are individuals
attracted to the opposite sex, homosexuals are individuals who are attracted
to the same sex, while bisexuals are people who are attracted to both
sexes. Homosexual men are usually referred to as gay while homosexual
women are referred to as lesbians.
What
if I'm not sure what my sexual orientation is?
Discovering your
sexual orientation can sometimes be confusing. Most people don’t
just wake up one day and decide their sexual orientation. It takes time
and it’s normal not to be sure. Experimentation is natural - as
long as you look out for the safety of yourself and others. You may
want to date the individuals of the opposite sex or you may decide to
date those of the same sex. Exploration doesn't determine your sexual
orientation, it just helps to discover your feelings.
Do
I have to have sex to know?
No. You don't have
to have sex to know if you're heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.
Some people never have sex in their entire life, but they know their
sexual orientation. It's better to wait until you're emotionally ready
and you find someone you care about. Sex can create more confusion then
it can resolve. There are many ways to share intimacy with someone you
care about, such as talking, spending time together, hugging, kissing,
massaging, and holding hands. If you decide to have sex, it is important
to remember to protect yourself and your partner and practice safer
sex.
Recognizing
and accepting that you are gay or lesbian.
Some people recognize
that they are homosexual early in their lives while others do not become
aware of their own gayness until much later in life due to the many
pressures society puts on us to follow a heterosexual lifestyle. Unfortunately,
our society still teaches us that same sex attractions are negative
and makes it difficult for one to explore his or her own sexuality.
One of the first steps after you recognize that you may be gay or lesbian
is self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is about feeling good about yourself
and comfortable with your own sexuality. This process is sometimes very
difficult due to societal pressure. As a result self-acceptance may
become a lifelong process as homosexuals try to integrate their life
style into an often hostile heterosexual world.
Why
me?
You may ask yourself
"why am I gay", but no one really knows the answer to this question.
There are many theories as to why some individuals are orientated towards
homosexuality rather than heterosexuality but they are only speculations
at this point in time. Most of these theories follow three approaches:
1) nature 2) nurture and 3) a combination of both nature and nurture.
The basis behind the nature theory for homosexuality is that individuals
are born with a certain genetic makeup which predetermines their homosexual
orientation. The nurture theory believes that one's environment and
experiences can predetermine one's sexual orientation. Other scientists
believe that homosexuality is a result of both nature and nurture. The
question you must ask yourself is why is it important to determine why
you are homosexual? No one asks why heterosexuals are "straight".
Inner
conflict...
In the process of
discovering your sexual orientation, there are many feelings you may
experience as you develop self- acceptance. Because the world is still
relatively hostile and prejudice towards gays and lesbians, it is not
uncommon to feel confused, isolated, lonely, guilty or depressed. Unfortunately,
many societies make people hide their homosexuality and as a result
they end up living double lives and denying who they really are. Experiencing
these feelings is normal. However, some feelings like depression,
low self-esteem and suicidal
thoughts indicate you need some professional help learning to accept
your homosexuality.
Coming
out of the closet
Coming
out of the closet is the term we apply to one's acceptance that he or
she is gay or lesbian. Self-acceptance is the first step to coming out.
After you feel comfortable with your own sexuality it may become important
to you to tell other people that are either gay or not gay such as your
parents. This decision is a process which only you can decide and judge.
You may want and decide to come out to others when you feel you are
emotionally ready and believe that it is a safe time. The time to come
out to others depends on how strongly you feel about yourself and how
much support you need from those who care about you. The best person
to come out to is someone you trust the most; someone you know will
not tell others and someone who will not hurt you. Coming out does provide
you with a healthier self-esteem as you allow yourself to share your
"secret" about your sexual orientation with the people you care about.
Just remember that coming out doesn't solve all of your problems and
is a lifelong process.
One thing to keep
in mind is that while we would like everyone in the world to be open
and accepting, the truth is that there will always be some people who
don't understand. However, there are also people you can count on -
these are the ones to whom you should talk. Here is a suggestion...
If you are feeling guilt, fear, or worried about your personal safety,
then it may not be the right time to come out.
If you think that
you are ready, then there may be some other things you should consider.
If you are thinking of telling your family, you may want to think about
the following questions (suggested by Pollack and Schwartz in their
book, The Journey Out - A Guide For and About Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual
Teens):
How well do you know your parents?
How close
are you to your parents?
How comfortable
are you with your sexual orientation?
How has
your family dealt with political, religious, and social issues in the
past?
Is the
timing right to come out?
Are you
economically and emotionally dependent on your parents?
How safe
are you in your home?
Do you
have a support system for yourself?
How much
information do you have, and are you able to share it with your parents?
Everyone's parents
are different. Some parents are accepting and open minded. You have
spent your life learning about them -- about their values and how they
respond to different issues. In the past you may have shared your feelings
with them. You may love your parents but you may have learned not to
trust them with personal matters. You may want to consider when it would
be the best to come out to your family. Holidays are usually a stressful
and emotional time, so this may not be the best time. If you are hoping
to receive financial help for education past high school, then it may
be best to wait. (No don't lie, don't tell... college is important!)
You may decide not to tell them at all -- this is okay too.
How do I meet other lesbians and gays?
You will find gay
and lesbians everywhere - in your math class, on the basketball team,
at the mall, etc. Some homosexuals have found that once they come out
to one member of the homosexual community, they are quickly able to
meet others. Gay and lesbian youth groups and support groups may be
available in your area.
Check out your community to see if there is a youth group in your area.
BTW, This article
was sent to us by a reader several years ago. It is not entirely our text, however, we have tried
to find out where it is from, but to no avail. If you know where it
is from please let us know, so we can ask permission to use it. We think
it is very good information, so we decided to use it. Thanks! 
FACT : One in 10 people are said to be gay, so that probably
means someone you know.
FACT: Some gay people find it hard to like themselves in a world
which can be so hostile toward them. Meeting other gay people can help
you to feel better about yourself and realize that you are not alone.
See the resources on the web for a good place to start.
OutProud
-- The National Coalition for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Youth.
We invite you to take advantage of the wide range of resources available
for youth and educators.
Youth
Resource - Support and Advocacy for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual &
Transgender Youth
“Being
Gay is Okay” --
Gay Youth Support -- from the UK.
Gender
Issues - Great links and info... for gender issues and more.
Gay
and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation - Stresses media issues;
includes a thorough directory of media addresses and numbers.
Queer Bodies. Org - An intersex youth initiative of Bodies Like
Ours
“Our goal is
to educate and replace hate with understanding, acceptance and compassion.”
Gay
& Lesbian National Hotline
1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)
The
Trevor Help Line
1-800-850-8078 -
Specializing in gay and lesbian youth suicide prevention
Gay & Transgender Hate Crime Hotline
1-800-616-HATE - Do Not Tolerate Hate
National LGBTQ
Talk line/Support line
Trained peer supporters that are also youth.
1-800-246-PRIDE
