“I’m
afraid that my friend may runaway. What can I do?”
It’s
estimated that on any given night, there are between five
hundred and one thousand homeless teenagers on the streets
of Seattle, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Miami, and other major
cities.
Many of
them are runaways; teens under the age of 18 who leave their
home or place of legal residence without the permission of
parents or a legal guardian. They come from every social class,
race, and religion. They are usually hungry, scared, desperate,
and very vulnerable to crime.
If you
think your friend is about to run away, ask her or him these
questions:
• What else can you do to improve your home situation
before you leave?
• What would make you stay at home?
• How will you survive alone?
• What will you do for money?
• Is running away safe?
• Who can you count on for help?
• Are you being realistic?
• Have you given this enough thought?
• What are your other options?
• If you end up in trouble, who will you call?
• When you return home, what will happen?
Why
Run Away?
The most
common reason that teens run away is family problems over
such issues as: curfew, behavior, how they dress, grades,
and the choice of friends. Teens also may choose to run away
because of problems they are afraid to face, such as bullying
at school, pregnancy, sexual orientation, or alcohol and drug
problems.
There
are a number of teens that may choose life on the street because
of emotional, physical, and sexual
abuse in their home.
The nature
of any kind of abuse – the shame your friend may have,
and the possible involvement of parents, stepparents, or other
family members – may make it extremely difficult for
your friend to talk about. This is not a time for your friend
to runaway!
Encourage
your friend to tell a teacher, counselor, school nurse, clergy
person, or your parents. Offer to go along with your friend
to give her or him support. Let your friend know that being
abused is not her or his fault. Be clear to your friend –
nothing about what they say, the way they look, or how they
behave gives ANYONE the right to use or hurt them!
Signs
That Your Friend May Run Away:
• She or he has sudden and dramatic mood swings that
affect eating and socializing patterns.
• Her or his school grades, attendance, and behavior
suddenly drop.
• She or he suddenly starts carrying large amounts of
money and even asks you to keep some of it.
• She or he gives away clothing and other valuable items.
• She or he starts talking to you about running away.
“Do you think anyone would miss me if I leave home?”
(Take these statements seriously!)
If you are afraid that your friend may run away:
• Let her or him know that running away will not solve
anything! It will make things worse!
• Ask your friend to get permission to stay with you
and your family for a couple of days.
• Encourage your friend to talk to her or his parents,
grandparents, or teacher.
• If your friend says she or he is being abused, tell
your parents immediately! Your friend’s life may depend
on it! Your parents can call the police, local child protective
services, or 1-800-4-A-CHILD (Childhelp USA) .
Problems
of Being A Runaway:
According to the National Runaway Hotline:
• Nine out of ten teens return home or are returned to
their home by the police within a month. If your friend runs
away, she or he may not be one of the nine that returns home.
•
A lot can happen in one month. Many runaways, who remain in
the streets for two or more weeks, will become involved in
theft, drugs, or pornography. One out of every three teens
on the street will be lured into prostitution within 48 hours
of leaving home.
•
Your problems at home are replaced by more serious and dangerous
problems on the street! It’s not worth it!
Being
a teen is not easy. There are a whole lot of ups and downs,
changes, and new experiences. Sometimes it may feel that your
parents don’t make things easier with their demands.
"My parents don't listen to me!" This is the most
common complaint teens and even younger children have about
their parents. Parents, on the other hand, have the same complaint:
"She won't listen to me!"
Some
Family Communication Tips:
• Set aside time to talk to your parents every day.
• Don't expect your parents to read your mind.
• Be specific about your expectations and requests.
• Have patience – good communication takes time
and effort.
• Brainstorm ideas with your parents before making a
final decision.
• Ask for input from all family members.
• Write things down. Make a list of changes you want
to see.
• Be willing to compromise with your parents.
• Use community resources when you need help. Ask a teacher
or school counselor for leads.
If this
doesn’t work, and you find yourself in a crisis with
your parents, contact the National Runaway Hotline (1-800-RUNAWAY).
They can help you work through your problems and even set-up
conference calls with you and your parents. The hotline is
staffed 24 hours a day. It is also confidential and free.
Remember, running away doesn’t solve anything. It can
make things worse!
Resources
in The United States:
Hotlines
• National Runaway Switchboard – phone 1-800-RUNAWAY
• Child Find of America, Inc. ( New York) – phone
1-800-A WAY OUT
• National Missing Children's Locate Center of Oregon
: 1-800-999-7846
Travel and Communication
Services
•
"Home Free" Bus Service – Greyhound Lines,
in conjunction with the National Runaway Switchboard, will
provide free one way transportation for runaway children returning
home through its "Home Free" program.
Prevention
and Intervention
•
Street Outreach Program – Government program under the
Family and Youth Services Bureau (FYSB) that funds local youth
service providers to conduct street-based education and outreach.
The program offers emergency shelter and related services
to young people who have been, or who are at-risk of being,
sexually abused or exploited. The goal of these efforts is
to help young people leave the streets.
•
Transition Living Program – Government program under
FYSB that assists older and homeless youth, including pregnant
and parenting teens, in developing skills to secure stable
and permanent housing.
•
National Clearing House on Families and Youth (NCFY) –
FYSB established this clearinghouse to assist individuals
seeking to support young people and their families. In
addition to sharing information through this web site, NCFY
send materials for distribution at conferences and training
events. The clearinghouse also conducts research on topics
of interest to you, and link you with others who are working
on similar issues.
•
Operation Go Home – Canadian organization dedicated
to reuniting runaways with their families or matching them
with agencies, which can provide help. Educational materials
are also available.
See Bullying for more on that topic.
