You
should know that the law varies on the age of consent (the age under
which it is a crime to have sexual intercourse) in different parts
of the world, but it usually ranges from age 16 to age 18. This is
also true for the United States, although in a few states it is younger
than 16. You would be breaking the law if you had sex before the age
of consent in your state. Find out what the "consensual sex"
age is in your state, especially if you are dating someone older than
you are! * See “Age of
Consensual Sex”.
People
decide to not have sex for a variety of reasons. Many teenagers have
chosen abstinence. Many people do not want to take the risks of having
sex until the relationship is a long-term one. Some decide to wait
for religious or moral reasons and others just do not feel they are
physically or emotionally ready. It’s not "weird" to
decide not to have sex. Some people decide to practice "secondary
virginity". Even if you have already had sexual experiences,
it is possible to choose abstinence from now on – until the time
is right.
If
you decide that abstinence is right for you, there are lots of things
you can do with your partner to show him/her how much you care instead
of having sex. You can go for a walk on the beach together or give
each other a massage, make supper together or just enjoy spending
time together. As long as your sexual touching doesn't involve the
exchange of body fluids, touching may be O.K. for you. Some people
decide to have "outercourse" instead of "intercourse"
and some people enjoy mutual masturbation. See the Sexual
FAQ section for more on these topics.
Overall,
nobody is ever completely sure that they are ready to have sex. If
you feel comfortable with all the questions above and have had an
open and sincere conversation about sex with your partner, then maybe
you are ready. However, if you don't feel totally comfortable with
any part of the situation then you probably aren't ready. It might
help to talk to someone you trust about the pros and cons of each
decision.
If
your parents or a parent are approachable, and you think you might
be able to talk to them about love and sex, talk to them. If you can
talk to your parents it will help them trust you more and improve
your relationship with them too. And unlike one of your girlfriends
or one of the guys, your parents won't gossip about you! If you have
a parent that is divorced, they might be going through some of the
same decisions you are too.
How
do you know if you’re ready for sex? This is a tough question
even for adults. There is no simple answer to this question and
no one can answer this for you. The
answer is when you are ready to cope with a sexual relationship,
and this varies from person to person. Sex has consequences, you
already know that those include the potential for pregnancy and
STDs.
These
questions should stimulate thought and discussion with your partner,
and some teens can even talk to their parents about these questions.
Most parents when approached realistically will try to understand
and be helpful. You should know your parents well enough to know
if you can discuss this topic with one of them. For many teens
this not possible. An older brother or sister might be willing
to talk to you about this.