My
name is Amanda and I was a teenage mom. I am now 22 years
old and I live with my 5 year old son, Joshua and my parents.
This isn’t
an article about pro-choice or pro-life, it’s about what
happened to me and how it changed my life in many ways, some
ways for the better, and some ways that I will live with forever.
It is also about what I would do today if this happened again
(which it will not). It’s also about what it’s like
to be a teenage parent. I do believe abortion should be legal
and available, I just decided not to have one for many reasons.
I live
in central Connecticut and am currently attending a community
college as I need to live at home right now, so I can help
care for and raise my son. This
isn’t exactly what I would have planned for my teenage
years, but it happened and I made my decisions.
I never
got to go to my senior prom or graduate high school with my
friends, but I have a wonderful child and now a great relationship
with my parents.
So, how
did this happen to an 'A' student who wasn’t into partying
and was looking forward to going to college like the rest
of my friends? I’ll tell you and maybe you will learn
something from me.
I had
a boyfriend for about a year before we became sexually active,
well, before we had sexual intercourse that is. We always
used condoms and spermicidal jelly, but we didn't have sex
on a regular basis. One night we went to a party at a friends
house. Her parents went out for the evening, but they knew
there was going to be a party there, but they said no booze
or drugs and not to be too noisy.
There
was beer and some other drinks there like Zima and those alcoholic
lemonades that someone had brought and someone else had a
bottle of vodka that they had brought too. There were no other
substances there that I knew of. I drank one beer because
I wanted one, I definitely wasn't drunk. So, the night was
fairly mellow, but I was tired and really wanted to go home.
My boyfriend said fine, he would take me home and go back
to the party. I saw him drink several beers, I don't know
how many, but I could smell it on him and he was a bit wired.
I was concerned about him driving, it was only about 2 miles
from my house, so he said I could drive.
When we
got into his van he asked if I had any condoms with me. I
said no, because I didn't think
we went there to have sex or that the opportunity would come
up that night. He really wanted to have sex with me and I
said I didn't want to and that I had no birth control with
me.
He said,
I can “pull out in time”, and that lots of guys
do that. I told him that was a stupid thing to do and it did
not count as birth control and that I didn't want to risk
getting pregnant. Well, we were kissing and stuff and before
I knew it he was inside of me, he didn't rape me, but it happened
so fast, I think he was drunker than I realized, maybe I was
buzzed too. I tried to get him off of me, but it was too late,
he had already had an orgasm.
I was
so scared right away, I jumped up, got out of the van and
used a tissue to wipe the semen out of me as much as I could,
I also told him that he did a really stupid thing and that
I better not get pregnant. He said, “you wont”.
I did.
I knew even before I missed my period that I was pregnant.
My breasts were sore and I was so nauseated all day and I
never had anything like that before. My best bud and I went
to a clinic like a planned parenthood about 4 weeks later,
sure enough my pregnancy test came up positive.
I had
always believed in abortion, but now I was pregnant and for
some reason I can’t explain, it was different now. I
wondered what this baby would be like, who it might grow up
to be.
I talked
to a counselor at the clinic several times. No one was pushing
abortion or adoption, we just talked about my options. I was
about 6 weeks pregnant at the time. In Connecticut you did
not need parental consent to have an abortion at the time,
but I knew I wanted to tell my mom anyway, I needed to tell
her since we had a close relationship and I think she knew
I was having sex with my boyfriend.
My
mother and I talked about it for several days and I decided
that I would have the baby and give it up for adoption, my
mother did not influence my decision. My school had a special
program for pregnant teens to go to instead of going to my
high school. I went there for a couple of days and I hated
it. I had been a very good student and the girls there were
from all over the county and were very different from me,
many didn't even read very well. After a lot of talking with
the principal of my school, we decided for me to be home-schooled.
It was the best decision at the time. I could work at my own
pace and eat right and exercise during my pregnancy. I was
determined to take good care of this baby. My boyfriend agreed
that giving the baby up for adoption was what he wanted too.
We were no longer seeing each other and there was no way I
was going to marry him. I still wanted to go to college and
have a career, not a family, not yet...
